


That Would Be Enough

by Snap_crackle_spock



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Lams - Freeform, M/M, all of the 'it's quiet uptown' references at the end, based on the 'they broke up by x person called them babe by accident', kinda angsty, super fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7214812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snap_crackle_spock/pseuds/Snap_crackle_spock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex shows up at John's dorm room with two things:</p>
<p>The first, a desire to get back together with his ex-boyfriend.</p>
<p>The second, a stuffed turtle named Marta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Would Be Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, little homies. 
> 
> So this is just something I've been piecing together between NTAMBS oneshots and school stuff. I just got his with inspiration for the one-shot in the middle of the night and thought that it would be perfect.

Alex wasn’t happy about this.

He wasn’t exactly  _ angry _ about it, but more of at some weird middle ground. Sure, he could’ve just texted John, or passed it on to Lafayette of Hercules to give to him. But he was kind of using the stuffed turtle John had left at his place as an excuse to see his ex. 

It was petty and ridiculous, yes. But Alex wanted to make up. Or, at the very least, he wanted to apologize. He wanted John to know that he was sorry, that he’d fucked up, and that he wanted to try again. Basically, he wanted to say face-to-face the things he’d been texting for months. 

He never should’ve gone to that party. He never should’ve followed Maria to that room alone, and he certainly shouldn’t have lied about it for months. He  _ should’ve _ been the one to tell John. Instead, he had to find out through Resident Asshole James Reynolds in the middle of a history class.

So there he was, sitting in his car in front of John’s dorm three days after New Years with his head in his hands and a stuffed turtle (her name was Marta after John’s sister. Alex had won it for him at a student-hosted faire last year) in his passenger seat, psyching himself out more than he needed to. John didn’t want to talk to him, that much was abundantly clear through the thousands of voicemails Alex had left that had gone unanswered. 

Would that fucking deter him, though? Well, kind of. But mostly the answer was no. 

So what if it took him a solid three minutes to work up the courage to get out of the car? This was something that  _ he _ had to do. If he just handed it off to Hercules or Lafayette to pass along he would be cheating. It wasn’t fair that he and John had made it awkward for the two of them ever since they’d broken up. The four of them hardly ever went out together, as the Revolutionary Crew. Now it was just three or two, never all. They never said anything, but Alex could feel the tension building in Herc and Laf. He needed to get over himself and stop making it awkward for the two of them.

He was doing this for them. And himself, yes. But mostly for them.

He recognized a few faces in the dorm. He had, after all, spent a good deal of his free time there. He waved politely to the RA, Washington, and smiled a bit at James Madison. It wasn’t until he was already in John’s hall (as if he could ever forget the exact placement of his room) that he was stopped by one Peggy Schuyler.

“Is that John’s turtle?” She asked, rushing a step or two to walk next to him without an actual invitation to do so. Alex didn’t mind, though. Peggy was the little sister to one of his closest friends, Eliza. The yellow clad freshman was practically family. “I assume that it’s his because you don’t have that turtle thing he does. I thought the two of you had broken up, though?” She didn’t wait for a reply. “Wait a minute, are you getting back together? That’s great! I always knew you would. Angie called it, too. And ‘Liza was hoping. You two make such a cute couple. Did you know that? All of the envy from me. I-”

“Peggy,” Alex cut her off before she could go on another tangent, “I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. But now’s not exactly the best time. I promise I’ll fill you in on the details later.”

She didn’t even miss a beat. “That’s the coolest! See, this is why you’re so much nicer than all of Angie and ‘Liza’s other friends. They all keep me out of the loop. But not you! Oh no, you make sure to keep me up to date on all of the things that are hip-and-happening. Bye, Alex! Go get your man!” And, like that, she was gone in a yellow blur.

Sighing and rubbing a hand over his face, Alex refocused on the task at hand. Talk to John, return Marta to him, possibly win back the affection of his beloved Laurens. Maybe not all in that order. 

Taking a breath, he marched to John’s door and, before he could rethink anything, knocked on the door. A small part of him wished that John hadn’t been there. He could’ve dropped off the turtle with a little note, maybe asking to go out for drinks later. But that was the coward’s way out, and Alex was no coward. 

So he knocked on the door. He might’ve regretted it the moment after, but he knocked. And, within seconds, John was opening the door, hair wet and pulled into a little bun at the back of his head. Alex hadn’t been frequently checking in on John on social medias (he wasn’t  _ that _ ex) but he took a second to look every time one came up onto his dash. Still, it couldn’t compare to the real thing. Alex hadn’t seen him in nearly a month, and had almost forgotten the way his freckles made him feel inside. It was such a stupid thing to mourn, but he missed the lazy nights spent together that just consisted of him attempting to count John’s freckles until one or the other fell asleep. 

“Alex?” John quirked an eyebrow, apparently unamused. Not that Alex could blame him. If  _ he _ had an ex that had cheated on him months ago and then one day, with no prior warning, showed up on his doorstep he would be sceptical and angry, too, “What are you doing here?”

“Uh-” he held up Marta, “Aaron was getting on my tail about the way my half of the dorm looked. He kept talking about how Theodosia’s coming over from across country after, like, six months away and he wants everything perfect for her. It’s actually really sweet. I mean, you’d think that if they were going to fuck it wouldn’t be in the dorms but, you know, whatever floats his boat I guess-”

“The point, Alexander?” Alex didn’t like it when John used his whole name. It felt like he was being scolded by a parent. It had never been Alexander. It had always been ‘Alex’ or ‘babe’ or something of the like. The last time he’d heard John say ‘Alexander,’ it was under much worse circumstances. 

_ “Was he lying, Alex?” John had asked, not even sitting. John always sat, he always made himself comfortable in Alex and Aaron’s dorm. Especially when Aaron wasn’t in. Instead of sitting like he normally would, he was pacing and rushing hands through his hair and it looked a little bit like he was crying.  _ “Was he?”

_ He should’ve lied. But he’d just been so  _ sick  _ of lying. He’d lied to John for months. In fact, he’d almost forgotten about the whole ordeal himself. It had only been brought back up by Maria’s jealous boyfriend, that piece of shit. So, instead of lying, he remained silent. _

_ “Alexander!” John shouted, and that caused Alex to stir. John never raised his voice, not since he’d known him. He was against yelling and screaming, and refused to participate in the activity. “I  _ need _ you to tell me that this is a lie! That this is just some douche bag thing that James is saying to get to me. I need to believe that you wouldn’t do that to me. Not after months and  _ months _ of being together.” John was definitely crying now. His pretty hazel eyes didn’t deserve to be disturbed by the tears that were welling in them. Those eyes should only ever be filled with the joy that flooded them when he smiled. _

_ As reassurance, Alex leaned in. He attempted to comfort John with actions rather than words, they were louder after all. Except it didn’t work. John ducked away from him the moment he realized what was happening, a look of absolute horror on his face. _

_ “You think that  _ kissing _ would make this better?” He sounded disgusted, and Alex felt like he’d made a ridiculously horrible decision with leaning in. “You think that I’m going to forgive you for this because you bat your eyelashes? Do you honestly think that low of me? You cheated, Alex. I gave you all the love I had to give, and you cheated. Not only that, but you lied about it to me! _

_ “How long did it go on? A week? A month? It was that party, right? The one that Jefferson threw? God, I  _ knew _ something was different about you when you came back. I thought that you were just drunker than usual, that you just slept off a hangover on his couch. But, oh god, you weren’t, right? You were with her until morning. Only then,  _ only then _ did it cross your mind that, oh yeah, I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend who couldn’t come to that party because he was studying for a big test the next day. And you remembered that you’d said that ‘yeah, John, I’ll only be gone for a bit. Just to get some free booze. I’ll be back within two hours, three tops.’  _

_ “Alexander, do you even know how worried I was? I thought that you’d died! I’d thought that you’d fallen off the face of the earth. But you hadn’t! You were too fucking busy with  _ her _ to notice the hundreds of texts and voicemails I must’ve left you. Did you know that I was about to call Campus Security? I had actually thought that you were in serious danger and you were too busy fucking some random girl you’d met at a party to care.” _

“Um, right,” Alex said, snapping out of his little trip down memory lane. It would do him no good to have a nostalgia flash. Instead, he held up Marta, “anyway, I found her under a huge pile of things. And it’s break so I couldn’t call up Laf or Herc. Not that I wanted to. I mean, I wanted to bring this to you myself. And apologize again. I’m not expecting anything, I just wanted you to know that I’m really, truly sorry.”

Taking a moment to look between Alex and the turtle, John waited a few seconds before taking the turtle and stepping aside, beckoning inside the dorm. “Here, come inside. It’s cold out and you’re probably freezing. I was making hot cocoa in the microwave, anyway. I’ll make you some.” 

Alex ducked into the room, seeing all that had changed. The most prominent thing at first glance was the fact that the small, framed picture of the two of them that had rested by John’s bedside was no longer there. Upon second glance, the most prominent thing was the fact that there were articles of clothing scattering the ground. Clothes that were definitely not John’s, and didn’t seem to be something Charles Lee, his roommate, would wear. 

“Did you, um,” Alex stumbled. He’d never been this bad with words before, “whose-”

“A girl’s,” John said, turning to take some milk out of the mini fridge and pour it into a small mug. Those words hit Alex hard. Was this the feeling John had when he’d found out? Probably not. It was probably worse for John.  _ Oh. _ “but not because of what you’re thinking. You wouldn’t know her, she’s new. A freshman. Her name’s Sally and she’s a friend of my sister. She had a tough night and, long story short, I found her at one of the local clubs. I took her back here and got her some warm clothes since Lee’s out until school starts again. She’s out now. I think she said something about getting lunch.”

Maybe Alex shouldn’t’ve been relieved to hear that, but he was. He was very much put at ease because of that. Which was unfair, John never got the relief part of his worry. He just got Alex acting like a total asshole. 

“That’s nice of you. Then again, that’s something you would do anyway. You’re a nice person. Always have been. Everyone always liked you a little bit more than they liked me. I think it’s because I always interrupted them.”  _ Damnit, Hamilton. Stop talking about yourself.  _ “Uh, anyway, how’ve you been?” A loaded question. One he probably didn’t want to hear the answer to. 

“What do you want?” John fired back, not bothering with the question. Though, if it was because he didn’t want to share or because he didn’t know how to answer was beyond Alexander. “You, of all people, never do anything without an ulterior motive. You brought me Marta back, thanks for that, now what do you  _ really _ want?”

_ You! _ Alex wanted to shout,  _ I want you because I messed up and I realize that. I want us to go back to the way we were, the way we could be again. I want to spend the rest of Winter Break with you, John. I want to cuddle underneath your comforter and watch shitty Netflix movies and drink hot cocoa and talk about the stars. I want to hear you go on for hours about turtles, if only so that I can see the way your eyes light up once again because I haven’t seen that in so long. I want to kiss you and hug you and love you and I want you to do all of those things to me because I miss you.  _

“I want to talk.”

“We are talking.” John gently tossed Marta onto his bed before facing the small desk he had where a microwave was situated with little mugs and various packets of drink mixes. He pulled out his mug (a green one painted to look like a turtle shell that Alex had gotten him for his birthday when they’d went to the local aquarium) and took a sip before filling up water into another mug, this one read ‘I love you a whole latte.’ 

“No,” Alex cautiously took a seat on John’s bed. He didn’t want to overstep his boundaries but sitting on Lee’s bed felt rude. And gross. Like sitting in your worst enemy’s living room, “we’re chatting. I want to have an actual conversation with you about actual things.”

“Cocoa or chai?” John asked, brushing off the statement and holding up the teabag and the drink mix before setting them down again, “Who am kidding? Chai. That’s all you’d ever drink when I banned coffee.”

“It has caffeine,” Alex suddenly felt more relaxed. This was an old argument, one they’ve been having since before they were dating. If Alex couldn’t win John’s heart back (which would be no easy feat) then he at least wanted to be friends again. Even before he’d realized he’d loved John, Alex had loved John. Not in the romantic way it had grown into, but in a platonic way that made them the closest of friends. When they’d been dating it was exactly like before, only they also had regular make-out sessions. 

“You’re still the same old Alex,” John said, punching in the time on the microwave.

“I’m not,” he argued, then chided himself for raising his voice, “I mean, I kind of am. But I’ve changed, too. And that’s one of the things that I wanted to talk about. I wanted you to know how sorry I am. I know we didn’t leave things on the best of terms, but I want to try and start again. Even just as friends! And if not for me, then for Laf and Herc. Neither of them deserve to be in the crossfire because I fucked up.”

“Well there’s something knew,” John laughed to himself as the microwave beeped and he pulled the mug out, dunking in the tea bag, “Alexander Hamilton finally admits he was wrong about something. Let me grab my phone to you can say it again and I’ll have proof of it.”

Taking a look at Alex, John ducked his head down. “Sorry, that was rude. It’s just… You never apologized. Not once. At least, not in person. And I know that you were trying to give me space and everything, that’s nice, but it’s been months, Alex. You had months to come to me and tell me that you were sorry and you didn’t.”

“I am now, though!” He protested, trying desperately not to raise his voice, “I get that I fucked up, but I’m coming to you on my knees begging for forgiveness. Can’t we at least not hate each other? If not for my sake then for theirs?”

“I don’t hate you,” John shrugged, taking a seat next to Alex and handing him the mug, “I mean, I did. I really did. But I was ready to -not forgive- but willing to accept an apology a long time ago.”

“Thank you,” Alex took a sip of his tea, “for not hating me. I think… I think I want to try to be friends again. Even if it’s takes a long time. I miss you, John, and I don’t want you out of my life.”

Looking at the way John’s hands stiffened around his own mug at Alex’s words, he immediately wanted to take them back. He shouldn’t have been so forward. It had been going to so well. Why did he have to mess it all up?

“I think you should leave.”

“John, if you’ll just let me explain-” 

“Babe, I-”

It was like a bullet had been fired between them.Neither of them were moving, just looking at each other. Alex watched helplessly as the anger drained out of John’s eyes replaced with a quiet realization. Like the words weren’t meant to fall out, they just did. 

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be.” 

“I-” John sputtered, “I loved you. I  _ still _ love you, I think. And I think that you still love me, too. And I want to trust you enough to try again, Alex. I really do. You were my first… Everything. Boyfriend and love and everything that came along with that. And I know that you’re a good person, I’ve seen it in the way you stand up for what you believe in and lose yourself in anything interesting to you. But I just  _ can’t _ trust you until you prove it to me that I can. I want you and me to be and us again, but I need to know that I can trust you with my heart.”

Making a bold choice, Alex reached out his hand. He carefully, cautiously, overlapped their fingers and prayed to everything he could think of that he was making the right choice by doing this. “I know I don’t deserve you, believe me, I do,” he tried, “But just hear me out, okay?

“I miss you more than you could ever believe. I miss your smile, I miss your freckles, I miss the lazy days in bed, and I miss having you in my life. I’m not pretending to know the challenges we would be facing. I  _ do _ know that it’s not going to be easy and we’re not going to fall back into the way we were like magic. I know there’s no replacing what we lost because of me, and I get that you need time. But I’m not afraid of taking this on, John. I know you, and I know that my world revolves around you. Let’s start small? Just let me stay here by your side. That would be enough for me.”

Silently, John nodded and squeezed Alex’s hand the slightest bit. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> If you want to read anything else, I'm currently in the process of a massive literary universe for my 'Not Throwing Away My Blaster Shot' series (a Star Wars AU that came from nowhere) and my fake dating!AU, 'You Look Back at Me and Suddenly I'm Helpless.'
> 
> Also, feel free to come hang out with me on Tumblr @i-hope-that-you-burrn


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